Just a few pointers, so that you don’t fall into some common traps. Like becoming annoying to people, blaming your parents for everything, or using it as an excuse to hide behind.
Infancy is a minefield of shame stimuli. Your impressionable mind is a sponge for meaning – and invents meanings for things all the time, even if it means that you’re to blame for something that’s not your fault. Which is often convenient for the shame-ridden adults.
Before you even get a chance to know who you are, you’ve been set up with a lot of “don’t be this – don’t do that” shame triggers. “Confident people are arrogant!” “Don’t talk!” “Relaxing is laziness!” Thanks again, childhood programming! I’ll share some examples of common shame-zoned traits.
Well, life is just ram-packed with shame-stimuli. As well as figuring out who you are and what you really want to do with your life, you have to juggle the demands of a social life, relationships, housing, maintenance, a career, hobbies, finances, family, travel, appearances and health. There’s plenty to remind you that you’re not quite where you want to be, and various disconnections could always be around the corner.
You’re a schmuck unless you drive a car like this. You won’t be attractive to the right partner, unless you spray this scent on yourself. People will do anything to avoid feeling shame. Which is why advertisers love to use the fear of shame as a motivator. This is why we’re bombarded daily by advertising telling us how imperfect we are.