Category - Shame

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A fear of not belonging taken to the extreme – the reclusive world of a Hikikomori
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Get Thin! But not too fast!
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“I don’t know what came over me” – well maybe it was your shame-induced lizard brain
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Shame anxiety shouldn’t be trivialized
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“How Much Happier Everyone Else Seems”
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When no one asks after you
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Learning from Mr Benn
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Do You Have a Hidden Handbrake Too?
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We’re all alone in this together

A fear of not belonging taken to the extreme – the reclusive world of a Hikikomori

Its shocking and frightening to think just how many people are so afraid of not being good enough, that they don’t have the courage to interact with society and feel worthy of connection.

So much so, that they never even leave their own house. 

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Get Thin! But not too fast!

Here’s a nice example of how magazines like this are written to feed off your shame levels. Get thin fast! But not too fast, or you’ll be like the “biggest loser”. As if the covers weren’t bad enough, once you see whats inside then your shame levels will be manipulated even more so you buy the shit that’s being advertised.

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“I don’t know what came over me” – well maybe it was your shame-induced lizard brain

I don’t need to tell you that people can absolutely change in a second when put under extreme anxious pressure – I’m sure you can remember your own experiences of this. Decent people can do incredibly bad things when their fear levels reach certain heights and protective mechanisms kick in. Here’s why…
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Shame anxiety shouldn’t be trivialized

The anxious effects of feeling threatened and “not good enough” are very human, and they really don’t deserve the added shame, guilt or feelings of being “broken” that more ignorant people are quick to suggest. “Pull yourself together!” “Get over it!” “Life’s too short!” Such impatient bullshit and lack of empathy is more often than not coming from a place of shame too.

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“How Much Happier Everyone Else Seems”

This is a short one, but I just wanted to let you know about a text I just received from a friend. She sums up what most of us probably think, but rarely say.

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When no one asks after you

Today I had a flurry of moments where people seemed to ignore important things – as if the ability to empathise was just switched off in everyone at the same time. I’ll admit, it freaked me out a bit. I didn’t know what to think. Here are just two of about five moments, see what you make of them:

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Learning from Mr Benn

I was having a conversation with my brother about something we call the hidden handbrake, that feeling of something holding you back despite your best efforts.

He had this great idea that we’d touched on before – an idea that was perfectly illustrated by the awesome Mr Benn.

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Do You Have a Hidden Handbrake Too?

You know that feeling where no matter how hard you try and push forward in life, you feel like something is holding you back and you get nowhere?

I’ve talked about this with a few different people – those feelings of being held back.

Sometimes the conversation is just a case of “hidden barriers”, or moves onto that all-too-common fear of rejection.

Sometimes it gets to being about something even scarier.
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We’re all alone in this together

Years ago I knew this guy who was your typical laddy bloke – extrovert, a loud laugh, confident, fitted in well, played sports, enjoyed banter and going out, got overly excited about new Bond movies – that kind of thing. He met a girl at University, they’re still together, and he became a solicitor. But one late drunken night back then, after some pointless argument about something, he shared a secret with me.

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